What’s in Your Pocket?



“Is that a new jacket?” my husband asked me as I put my jacket on to leave.

“Yes!” I exclaimed excitedly.

“Did you need a new jacket?” he said.

“No,” I said honestly. “But I had to buy this one.”

“Why?”

“Because…” (I paused dramatically). “It has 12 pockets!”

I waited for him to respond with appropriate enthusiasm, but he just stared at me. 

“Why do you need 12 pockets?” he finally asked, and then immediately regretted it.

“For 12 things I want to carry,” I replied. “I have one pocket for my car keys, one pocket for my wallet, one for my phone, one for my tissues, one pocket for my lipstick, one pocket for my gloves, one for my hat, one for the dog poo bags, one for my mini grocery bags and one for my hand sanitizer.”

“Ummm, that’s 10,” he said.

“Then I have extra pockets for any UPNs.”

“UPNs?” he repeated.

“Unplanned Pocket Necessities.”

He shook his head.

“But why do you need pockets when you carry a bag?” he asked, and then immediately regretted it.

“Because sometimes it’s nice not to have to carry a bag!” I proclaimed.

Maybe because we carry bags, manufacturers think we don’t need pockets. But women like pockets. Women love pockets! If you’ve ever seen a woman discover that a dress has pockets, you understand. Pockets are like a little gift from the clothing gods. Even if all we put in there is our hands, it feels like we won the pocket lottery.

Not all pockets, however, are created equal. Women’s jeans have pockets, but they cut them off halfway for some reason so you can only get your hands in up to your knuckles. It’s a very unsatisfying pocket situation and in some cases can lead to a real case of jean-induced pocket rage, especially if you have a UPN show up.

When my kids were little, I would routinely pocket pieces of broken toys that needed to be reattached or thrown away, errant snack items and other small objects I found that needed to be relocated to their proper place in the house. Soon my jacket would become the wearable equivalent of a kitchen junk drawer. Without small kids around now, I was confident that I would only use my pockets for the things I needed on a daily basis, not Barbie heads and crushed goldfish crackers.

Meanwhile, back at home I joyfully filled up 10 of my 12 pockets, put on my jacket and went to take the dog for a walk. I had the dog poo bags in one pocket, dog treats in another and myriad necessities for any situation in my other pockets. If an alien landed, parked his UFO in front of me and needed a tissue, some lipstick and a dog poo bag, I had him covered. 

As it turned out, though, I didn’t actually need a single thing from any of my pockets while I was out. Disappointed, but still enthusiastic about my pockets o’plenty, I went home. But when I got back, I realized that in my excitement about filling up my 12 pockets, I forgot one important thing. 

My house keys.

Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, “Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble,” available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com.

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