ON SATURDAY , June 13, Mark Twain, America's foremost author and humorist, visits Garden City for an entertaining talk about his life, politics, drinking and smoking and religion. Starring Rob Alvey as Mark Twain. Based on the award- winning play by Hal Holbrook. Benefit performance for the Garden City Bird Sanctuary. $25 per ticket. Limited seating. To order tickets, call 326-1720 .The program will be held at 8 p.m. at the Garden City Community Church, Gardner Hall, 245 Stewart Ave .. Also that day , come to the Community Health and Wellness Fair , from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. at Christ Assembly of God Church, 120 Floral Pky., Floral Park. Attendees will get the chance to meet health care professionals, ask questions, participate in free medical screenings and attend health education classes. There will be events for kids and adults alike. There will also be health education classes on heart disease, diabetes, kidney disease and breast health. Registration is required to attend the classes. There will be a blood drive during the health fair also. For more information, call Mini at 718-465-2272 or visit - www.lihealthfair.com... THE IRISH AMERICAN Society is having a dance at the Irish American Center, 297 Willis Ave., Mineola., on Satrurday, June 13, at 8:30 p.m. Music by the Tara Gold Band. Coffee, tea and Irish soda bread will be served. Bar open for your pleasure. $15. Call 746-9392 or 742-8080 for reservations...

POLICE REPORT: MISCHIEF AND MAYHEM

ON JUNE 8, THERE were incidents of public lewdness. The first was at Boylston Street at 8 a.m., where a man described as Hispanic in his 20's wearing a baseball cap on backwards, asked for directions, exposed himself to a female walker, and then fled in a dark-colored car. On the same day, later in the afternoon, a man described as same, only with a possible moustache, driving a gray compact car, did the same thing to another female victim at St. Paul's Place...ON JUNE 7, 7:15 p.m., a man described as Caucasian, heavy set, 5'10"tall, wearing a Nike cap, allegedly stole 8 Breathe Right strips valued at $13.99 each, at CVS, Franklin Avenue... BETWEEN May 28 and 29 , $80 was found missing from petty cash at a Franklin Avenue office... Burglars attempted to remove ceiling tiles in order to gain access to the inside of a UPS store on June 8. They were not successful... ON JUNE 3 , police conducted a 12-hour truck safety inspection as part of the state's initiative "Operation Road Check," and 28 trucks were inspected with 19 trucks taken out of service, and 137 tickets issued... ON JUNE 5, police arrested a 63-year-old woman from Lido Beach for allegedly stealing an $83 Juicy Couture halter top, a $94 Juicy Couture ruffle skirt, a $148 Jones NY dress, a $74 Nine West sweater, and a $276 Karla Coletto bathing suit, at Lord and Taylor...On June 5, detectives arrested a 27-year-old Brooklyn woman for allegedly trying to steal $1300 in gift cards at Lord and Taylor by using a fraudulent credit card... On June 6, PO Buonaiuto arrested a 41-year-old Port Washington man for having a suspended CA registration and for having 6 suspensions on four dates in NY. The charge was unlicensed operation 2nd degree and the motorist was also without insurance... ON JUNE 5, a 35-year-old Baldwin man turned himself into police, after an investigation of an April 27 traffic dispute at Ring Rd. indicated he was allegedly involved in a road rage incident there... ON JUNE 7, 4:35 a.m., PO Wehr stopped a 29-year-old Bayville man for alleged DWI (.18%) , unsafe lane change, and no insurance, at Clinton Rd./Rainbow Place... ON THE SAME DAY , PO Oswald arrested a 27-year-old Far Rockaway man for alleged DWI (.12%) and numerous equipment violations at Clinton Road... BETWEEN MAY 20 and June 5, someone took an iPod valued at $300 and $1700 in jewelry at an Amherst Rd. residence. No sign of forced entry... ON JUNE 6, an 18-year-old Island Park male was arrested for kicking in 2 large windows at Liberty Travel. He was not injured but the windows were valued at $3,000. He was also charged with the unlawful possession of marijuana... A 49-YEAR-OLD Brooklyn man was arrested for allegedly stealing 4 Panasonic cell phones valued at $500 at Sears on June 7... On June 4, police arrested a 44-year-old Astoria woman who allegedly stole a $95 Boss shirt and Lord and Taylor... On June 1, 10:30 p.m., a 21-year-old GC male was arrested for having Xanax and a hypodermic needle as the result of an investigation at Kensington Road... BETWEEN MAY 30 and June 2, persons entered a restaurant on Seventh Street and stole credit cards from an employee's handbag, and then used the cards in nearby stores... ON JUNE 2, SOMEONE took an $1800 laptop, a $400 camera, and assorted clothing from a car parked at County Field 6...

FIRE RESPONSES:

AFTER A CAR hit a tree at Poplar Street on June 4, the FD removed the victim and an ambulance was called... FIREMEN REMOVED a person from an elevator that stalled at a Seventh Street location on June 5... BIOSOLVE REMOVED coolant from Franklin Ave./Hamilton Place on June 7... FOOD HAD CAUGHT fire in an oven at Dartmouth Street on June 10, but luckily it was extinguished prior to FD arrival... That's all this week. G.T.