The Courage

To Parent

To the Editor:

Dear Parents of Teens in Garden City,

I am the parent of a 9th grade girl and I am writing this letter to implore you to have the courage to parent your son or daughter. I have been taking a second look at my own parenting for the past few months and I have found a need to make some changes and re-evaluate my decisions, when it comes to how my child socializes.

After some events that occurred over the summer, I became concerned about my daughter and her crowd of friends. She has been friends with the same group of kids and I have come to know their parents through sports and school activities over the years. When the kids were in elementary school and early middle school, they used to gather on Friday evenings and play games like "manhunt" or walk up to get ice-cream at 7th street or Nassau Blvd. As parents, we were comfortable with them going out at night, because we knew they were basically "good" kids and we were often nearby at a backyard bar-b-que. They had an early curfew, so it seemed that things were relatively innocent. We usually called each other to check that parents were home, wherever the kids were "based" for the evening.

This past summer my husband and I realized that we had become too relaxed in our parenting. Our daughter had made plans to be at someone's house. Later we discovered her up on Nassau Blvd. and a web of lies followed as to why she was there. Over the course of the past few months, we have learned from our daughter, some of her friends and other parents that MOST of the kids in 9th and 10th grade are drinking. We have confirmed that there are parties with alcohol and sometimes pot at the homes of 9th and 10th graders almost every weekend. We have confirmed that there are parties for Varsity sports teams where freshmen are invited and there is beer served. We have confirmed that sometimes parents are home and are aware that there is alcohol but choose to turn the other way.

I have spoken with several of the parents of my daughter's friends. Some of them are equally alarmed. Some of them have the attitude that they just "can't fight" anymore. They feel that as long as their child calls them and lets them know where they are and comes home in "somewhat of a normal state" that is the best they can do. There are boys and girls out riding their bikes at night in below freezing weather, to meet up with friends. Sometimes they drink (from stolen beers that they stash in places like Adelphi or Golf Course bushes or the field by 7-11 nicknamed Strawberry Fields) and sometimes they hang out and watch movies or go on Facebook or play Xbox innocently. Other times they go to someone's house and drink/smoke/chew tobacco where the parents aren't home. Some parents have taken the "not my kid" attitude and said they are very comfortable with the "honesty" of their kids and they don't want to get involved with other parents.

Recently, I learned that my daughter ended up at a party on December 20th at a 9th grade boys house, where there were no parents home and beer and pot were there. I have confirmed that this boy had had at least one other party when his parents were not at home, maybe more. The reason my daughter ended up there was because I did not do my job as a parent that night. I did not call the parents of the girl whose house she was supposed to be at, to confirm that they would be home. I was very comfortable with this friend's parents, as we have had many conversations about our shared concerns, so I let it slip and did not follow through. Apparently the two girls left the friends house, telling the parent that they were walking to another friend's house, which was nearby. Shortly after they left, the parent discovered that they were not where they were supposed to be and a search ensued. Two parents got involved and they found the kids, but the story about the party came out. The kids admitted to being at the party but that they knew they would end up in trouble, so they "left right away." I didn't find out about it until weeks after the event, but I take full responsibility because I didn't follow through that evening. Shame on me!

I had a conversation with my daughter and she began to try to convince me that she should be allowed to go to these parties because she feels that she can make the right choice and say "no" when offered beer or pot. She is really convinced that she should be allowed and adamant that I not call other parents and "trust" her. She is definitely a responsible kid. I love her and am proud of most of the choices she makes. She gets good grades and so do most of his friends. However, this "wake up call" that I received has forced me to have the courage to parent her.

I want to invite kids to hang out at my house (boys included). I want them to have a place in the cold weather to watch movies and hang out. But, I know that they may sneak in beer in their bags or put vodka in their water bottles. Should I search bags? Have them leave bags upstairs? Not allow water bottles? Maybe we all should. I want her to go to friends houses and hang out. I plan on calling and speaking to the parent NO MATTER WHAT. I do not want her to leave the house I drop her off at, unless I can speak to the parent of the next house they plan on arriving at and confirm their whereabouts. Carpooling had been great in the past, but I need to step up and transport my daughter to and from places myself for awhile. That is o.k., though. It is my job and my responsibility to parent my daughter.

Is my daughter going to "get away" with things in spite of my recent awakening? YES! But, as I told her, I cannot neglect my job as a parent any longer. Am I going to let her convince me that she would rather be "truthful" with me than lie to me because she is going to end up "going to the parties anyway." NO! She is trying to manipulate me into allowing her to be in an unsafe environment. She is 14 and wants to be given privileges that some parents give their kids in their senior year! I do not and will never agree with serving alcohol to minors. However, when kids reach 17 and 18 years of age, If they have earned their parent's trust and have a "clean record" I can see parents willing to give them some responsibility in the environments they choose to be in and the choices they need to make independently. They will need to make their own choices in college and perhaps, if they have earned it, they should be given some freedom of choice at that time. Not at 14.

As parents of teenaged sons or daughters, it is our responsibility to make sure that our children are not placed in an environment with drugs and alcohol. Period. This is not negotiable or up for discussion with our kids, no matter how reasonable, smart or "trustworthy" they are. Please have the courage to stand up to your kids now, before they end up like the young boy in Suffolk County who died a few weeks ago. There has been innuendo in the media that the children were given a liter of vodka from a parent. Do you really think this is so? In good conscience can we really blame these parents who are broken hearted and destroyed for the rest of their lives? Or do we say, "There, but for the grace of God, go I." Isn't it worth a few big fights until your kids know you are not going to change your mind? You stood up to them when they were toddlers and had a tantrum. You said, "no, I am the parent and I am in charge!" The tantrum they are having now is much the same.

As our children reach different stages of development, I think need to re-evaluate our parenting. Letting them walk up to the stores for an ice-cream at night and hang out for a few hours "up on 7th street" or walk over to a friends house without confirming where they are, is no longer going to work. Simply having them call to "let you know where they are or where they are going" without speaking to a parent is no longer o.k. What we were once comfortable with can no longer be acceptable because they are hanging out in groups and getting into trouble. Make no mistake. If you child is in 9th grade or older he or she can probably name most of the kids in their grade that are drinking. If they can name that many kids, they have probably been directly exposed to it. If they have been exposed it this early, they are probably going to try it soon, if they haven't already "sipped" beer at an upperclassman varsity sports party.

I have a lot to learn as a parent. My job is not "done." I will probably still make mistakes and my kids will also make mistakes. Writing this letter may very well be a mistake. I am certainly not preaching to anyone, because I am in no position to do so. I am humbly looking for a village to help me raise my child. Will you join me? Will you be that village? Will you have the courage to parent?

In love and hope and tears streaming down my face, the mom of your child's friend.

Name Signed But

Withheld Upon Request

Challenge To The POA System

To the Editor:

Regrettably we have in the Village a group of persons who, because they do not like that many other residents are not in agreement with their view of what should happen with St. Paul's, are actively seeking to overturn decades of the Property Owners' Associations system of providing volunteers to serve on the Village's Board of Trustees, School Board and other commissions.

It is time for residents to wake up and see what this group is trying to do. This group does not care about the Village as a whole and is using the St. Paul's issue to permanently destroy your Village.

I always hear from residents that they claim to love it here. Well part of the reason for this "love" is because of the unique POA system and how it helps preserve the Village. The POAs were created early in the 1900s as the four parts of the Village were being incorporated into the Village as we now know it. The primary purpose of the POAs was to create a system of government without political parties. A second purpose of the POA system was to provide equal representation on the Village Board of Trustees (and their boards and commissions) regardless of the number of residents in the 4 sections. So for example, the Central section, which has the fewest number of residents and would have the most to lose if the POA system were abolished), can have 2 persons on the Village Board, the same number as the East section, which has the most number of residents. For a more detailed history you can visit the Village website or the website of the Estates POA (www.gcestates.org).

The Village relies on volunteers for a good portion of its ability to deliver services. For example, no Village Trustee or School Board Trustee is paid. Many residents have their children participate in athletics in the Village. Part of the Village's ability to provide facilities and coordinate these athletic programs is made possible through the efforts of the Recreation and Cultural Commission. That commission is also made up of volunteers who devote considerable time and effort. The Library Board also is comprised of dedicated volunteers. How do we find these individuals to serve? Through the POA system. Residents come to meetings, express opinions, get to know their neighbors and volunteer.

Is the POA system perfect? Of course not. But would you rather have a system where you or your neighbor could not serve as a member of the Recreation Commission unless you had made a political contribution to your Republican Party or Democratic Party machine? I think not.

A recent notice was placed in the Village papers by a person which notice unashamedly calls for you to join him in overturning the POA system. Why? Because, as he has stated, because he is not happy that the Village might (again might) demolish St. Paul's so he (and others) is seeking to have only persons who agree with him on this one issue serve as Trustees. So despite the votes of the majority of residents who participated in the survey stating that demolition was a legitimate consideration, Mr. Sutton and those associated with him feel we should overturn the POA system of nominating persons to serve the Village because he feels his one issue is more important than anything else.

Do these people have any concern for the Village as a whole? No. Do they ever mention the LIRR Third Track, the Nassau County Hub proposal to run a light rail system straight through the Village? No. The fiscal costs and complications of running a Village of approximately 23,000 people? Any other issue? No. The Village has a $95 million budget and faces numerous fiscal concerns. Ever hear this group mention these issues? No. Other than a few attendees who come to village or POA meetings only because of St. Paul's, nothing is ever heard from them. I know my POA wishes these residents, and many more, would come and participate because they care about lots of issues facing the Village.

Instead of participating in the process, and like anyone else, learning to compromise and accept the opinions of others, this group wants to change the system. Maybe some residents do not understand the process by which the POAs pick a resident to serve as its nominee for the position of Village Trustee or School Board Trustee. With some variations among the POAs, the process is virtually the same. Each POA has one or more nominating committees. The Estates has one committee made up of 15 people. Not one person, not 3 or 5 but 15. These 15 people, after placing advertisements and asking friends and neighbors, obtains submissions from other residents who may be interested. Any one can submit their name. These persons are interviewed and considered and then recommended. So we are not closed to anyone who wants to participate. We do not pick someone or decline to pick someone based on any particular issue.

Did Mr. Sutton or his group recommend anyone? No. They just want to run against the current nominees of the 4 POAs because these 4 are perceived to be "for demolition". Not just the Estates' POA nominee who is running for Mayor. But all 4 POA nominees for Trustee or Mayor. Think about it. His group thinks they know more about the Village than any one else, yet the entire consideration they have is one single issue. More than the 15 people on the nominating committee in the Estates POA and the other POAs who consider the Village as a whole and look for persons with a myriad of expertise and opinions. Instead of just saying what they are running against, how about saying what they are running for and what they can offer the Village as a whole that the current nominees cannot?

This group's vision of Village is not the one that I think you know and profess to love. So I urge you - come to your January 20th POA Electors' meeting and participate.

Brian C. Daughney

Attend POA Meetings

To the Editor:

When I moved into Garden City almost 13 years ago, I was excited by the fact that I had opportunities to get involved in my community. I began by attending meetings to "listen in" and learn about what different groups did in the village. I went to meetings of the Board of Trustees, Board of Appeals, Environmental Advisory Board, Traffic Commission, Board of Education, and Property Owners' Associations. Sometimes I agreed with what was going on, and at times I disagreed. I would ask questions and try to find out how to make my voice be heard. I joined my Estates Property Owners' Association (POA) as a general member. I again listened to various topics each month, and I still attended other meetings. Whether I agreed or not with topics or decisions at those meetings, I felt that my respectful comments and questions were considered valuable input. Sometimes I felt that my comments made a difference and at other times, I understood that there are many opinions in our village. Either way, I knew that if I got involved, and showed others that I was willing to participate and work together with them, I could make a difference.

I met many people (many of whom are still involved today) who encouraged me to get more involved. Finally, I joined the LIRR Committee in the Estates, and afterwards, I served on the Estates Nominating Committee. Later, I volunteered to help with Estates POA meeting announcements and helped with the Estates Newsletter. I was then nominated to serve as Director of the Estates POA. As director, I chaired the LIRR committee and became Editor of the Newsletter. I served under POA presidents Jon Schwieger and Tom O'Rourke, and was then asked to serve as President of the Estates POA. I am now an Estates POA Director and I serve as Chairman of the Estates Nominating Committee.

Throughout my years of involvement, I invited friends, neighbors and other residents to get involved and learn about issues that were on-going in many areas of the Village. I also made good friends along the way. I am proud to serve as a volunteer of the Village. I am excited about being involved, and I still listen and learn about village issues. For all of this, I encourage all residents to join a committee, attend meetings, and get involved in helping your POA with the many issues that still are on-going (LIRR Third Track, the HUB, St Paul's, Board of Ed matters, Traffic matters, Village Budget, and many more). If you have a professional expertise, ask about Commission positions such as Architectural Review, Environmental Advisory Board, and others.

Learning about our village issues is not a matter of just reading letters to the editors or headlines in the papers, it is much more. As much as we agree or disagree with those involved or those in volunteer office, it means so much more to listen and get involved and work together with other volunteers to help better communicate in our village. Community involvement is what makes our Village great. To be involved in our community (Sports, Village, School, POA or other), it requires overall involvement and support on the several issues that are out there. Support your POA and your Board of Trustees (Village and School) by asking about issues and tasks with which they need your help.

I strongly urge all residents to attend their local Electors meetings (each section of Garden City holds their Electors meeting on Tuesday, January 20th). Each of you should attend and participate; bring a neighbor with you. Afterwards, talk to your POA representatives; you might wind up volunteering to help and provide valuable input as a committee member.

Manny Velez

Time For Change

To the Editor:

We will soon have major changes on the federal government level with the upcoming presidential inauguration but will we have change right here in downtown Garden City or will it be business as usual?

The BOT will have some new representatives along with the members of "The Old Guard." We will have incumbents who in the past have been deaf to the reasonable voices of our residents and hopefully new ones who haven't yet drank "The Kool-Aid." What we definitely don't need is a continuance with the newly nominated trustees. Although outdated, the Community Agreement permits the challenge of nominated candidates and this opportunity should be taken very seriously.

If it were not for a public outcry and constant pressure the Avalon Bay project would certainly have been approved. It is imperative that you as residents shouldn't forget the sitting trustees who were spearheading AB's approval in addition to respective POA representatives who were also endorsing their sweetheart deal.

As you recall the Estates and Eastern POA's took it upon themselves to conduct a poll without the concurrence of the Central and West in a quasi violation of the Community Agreement. Was this at the behest of their respective trustees who were clearly AB's most ardent supporters? Shouldn't our respective POA's and Trustees listen to the residents they represent? I think the answer is crystal clear but yet they continue not to do so.

There is a strong likelihood of challenges and a major consideration should be where the nominated individuals stood on the AB vote, which trustees were they aligned with and will they support change of the status quo. Did the nominating committees solicit public input or is it just a rubber stamp approval to continue with the past?

Now is the time to send a message that we don't work for the POA's and BOT but rather they work for us.

We definitely do not need a repeat of the AB process with the St. Paul's demolition proposal, The Hub, etc.

Maybe it is time they listen and start looking to change the way the village and schools are being run. Maybe it's time for changes put the brakes on spending and start the dialogue with our village and school employees for reasonable givebacks to hold the line on tax increases. This will only commence with a BOT who will work with and listen to our residents. Or maybe we can dream a little and hope that the village could obtain some of the federal bailout dollars.

Bob Hugel

Financing Demolition

To the Editor:

Having now spoken, the citizens of Garden City are facing the reality of funding the demolition of St Paul's. Having expressed their intent, we will now have to pay for it. One of the options is to issue a bond to cover the cost. There are many problems with this solution, including increased taxes, potential downgrading of the Village's bond rating and a difficult economic and bond market environment. From a fiscal perspective, we would be funding an asset that is non-revenue generating that has minimal social benefit.

Another solution would be to sell off a small portion (for example, 5 acres) of the entire parcel for several potential uses. One would be for single-family homes on relatively large (i.e.: 1/2 acre) lots--thus preserving the 'character' of the Village.

Another option would be to permit a purchaser to keep the land vacant to preserve a park-like setting or perhaps create a nature preserve or arboretum. This option would offer those citizens who are opposed to adding additional buildings to the Village to put their money where their mouths are by purchasing the land and preserving it (possibly in perpetuity). Public uses could be identified for specific parcels, i.e.: fitness trail, playground and naming rights could be given, for example, the John Smith Children's Playground.'

If, for example, 5 acres were sold in 1/2-acre lots (a total of 10 lots) for $500,000 each, the Village could realize $5 million--a large portion of the estimated demolition costs.

The worst scenario for the village, one that will create another extended period of non-decision, would be for the residents to oppose a bond issue thus leaving the Village with the buildings standing, no clear cut option and no funding.

James Bauer

Seeking Donations

To The Editor:

During the 2009 Spring Break, I will be traveling with a group of students from The Catholic University of America to Kingston, Jamaica. Our mission is simple: to love those we meet. For a week, we will be working with the St. Patrick's Foundation to tutor needy children, care for abandoned elderly, and paint the homes of the poor. It is not a "traditional" Spring Break. There will be no wild nights of carousing, though there will be lots of singing, dancing, and caring. We will be spending time with people, young and old, who need our help, our affection, and our support.

As a Garden City native, my love of service developed there in our town. I have many fond memories of canned food drives at Stewart School, service trips with the Girl Scouts, and preparing for my Confirmation by helping the elderly in my neighborhood. My will to serve has only increased since then. Good thoughts and good intentions will not get the job done. If you could contribute any monetary amount to our mission trip, we would be grateful. Your donation would help lower the cost of the mission for us students. Our positive presence is needed in Jamaica. According to USAID, poverty has given rise to increased school absenteeism and declining literacy and numeracy rates, furthering the cycle of unemployment and increased crime . We will be encouraging and tutoring students in schools and reaffirming the need for education.

Checks should be made out to Campus Ministry with my name, Trista L. Garttner, Mission Jamaica, in the memo line. Please consider donating!

Trista L. Garttner

The Catholic University

of America

Class of 2009

Seek Federal Funds

To the Editor:

Where is Garden City on requesting Federal funds for 'shovel-ready' projects. Many other Long Island communities have already assembled their lists and are actively seeking funds for projects such as roads, sewers, schools and other infrastructure projects. The massive spending by the Federal Government to restore economic health is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

As with St Paul's, are we going to be indecisive as the opportunities pass us by? Do our citizens not want to use any of their money to help out our Village? Are the citizens and government of Garden City only good at saying 'no' to opportunities instead of seizing them?

James Bauer

Thank You For Helping Me

To The Editor:

I have two friends (sisters) from South Carolina that both have a condition called "Arnold Chiari Malformation" a brain abnormality. I had told my mom that I wanted to empty my piggybank before Christmas and "pay it forward" to a Children's Hospital. Well, one day when I came home from school, my mom told me that Katie and Kimberly were at the Ronald McDonald House in New Hyde Park. I was excited to see them so we immediately drove over there. As we were driving home, we passed Schneiders Children's Hospital as I yelled out, "Mom, that's a children's hospital, so can I donate may money to them?" Mom immediately turned to me and said "Why don't you donate your money to the Ronald McDonald House for Katie and Kimberly but don't tell them? It can be a surprise for Christmas." So that's what I did, I asked people if they can help me "pay it forward" so I can put the money in my "Hanna Montana shoebox" and then wrap it and bring it over to them on Christmas Day. When we arrived home, my brother, Matthew, wanted to empty his piggybank to donate his earnings to Katie and Kimberly too. So mom helped me write a letter via e-mail that I named. "Tess Castellano's Christmas Wish". I told people in the letter about my two friends who were very sick and needed more brain surgery and the family would be staying at the Ronald McDonald House. I asked people if they could send me $.25, $1.00 or maybe even $5.00 to help me help my friends this holiday season. I also asked family and friends if they could circulate my letter via e-mail.

Well, I collected over $3,700 for my two friends and their families. We drove over to Ronald McDonald House on Christmas Day so I could give their mom my present and we stayed for dinner. It was the BEST Christmas ever. I just wanted people to know how much this meant to me to be able to help my friends who needed it and still need it. Their mom can't work because she is always taking care of my good friends. If you would like to still "pay it forward" to this VERY special family, you can send it to me at 60 Hathaway Drive in GC.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart and I hope everybody gets his or her special wishes for our new year, 2009!!

Tess Castellano

1st Grader at

Homestead Ave. School